you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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