tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
