I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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