No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
