I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
