I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
