Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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