I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
