all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
