Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
