At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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