I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
