sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
