I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
