If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just want to make out with him forever
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
