I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
