Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
