shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you didnt know i had herpes?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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