we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
