I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
