Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
