I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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