in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
