You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
