i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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