a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
