i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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