i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
