My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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