I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
