I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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