I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
