I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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