I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
