i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So much Jack, so little girl.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
