My sheets look like a crime scene.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
false alarm. still invincible.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
