I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
