just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
dude. I can hear the air.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
