now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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