my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
