69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
