He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
