with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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