Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
