Girls should come with a carfax report
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
