i may or may not be watching the land before time
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
