i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
