I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
