Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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