i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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