she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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