I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
