hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
