that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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