OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
