my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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